can connect via server list but not via direct IP

last edit: TL;DR after lots of trying, I can't connect to my epic server via direct IP but in the server list it works. I tried multiple setups. What gives? My steam friend can connect to it via IP now.

I created two servers with ASM.

I set my hamachi IP in ASM and joined through Epic console (open ip:port)

The server then showed up in my server list and I always joined through that. I played alone.

I didn't play for a month, but kept the server and game client updated.

Now when I try to play with a friend, he can't join via direct IP. I can't join myself via direct IP either. Only via the server list. He can't join via the server list because my server is not in it. (since it's LAN only I assume)


I use no mods. I reset winsock. I restarted my pc many times.

Why can I join via the server list, but not via direct IP?

Thanks

edit: firewall is  completely disabled. It says timeout when trying to connect via direct IP. 

edit: hosting the server on a different device and Internet connection now. This time via public IP address with port forwarding. I (epic) still time out when i try to join, but my steam friend is happily playing right now... what the hell is going on? I have set up ark servers a billion times, but right now I just can't connect.